Bugger Off

Since I first started using social media, I've run into a few characters, and some really interesting people.  I guess it's like anything else in life; you take the good with the bad, the beautiful with the ugly, the brilliant with the fucking stupid.  The thing is, to try to avoid arguing too long with the latter. Some people are just a waste of time.

Problem is, they seem normal until that moment when they stick a screwdriver up their nose, pose with their AK-47, or confess that one batshit crazy thing that just makes you go,"whoa…."

And usually, your first reaction is to say,"No, no, dude/lady…..that's not how it is," but you have no freaking idea how intrenched they are in their particular fetish/fantasy/philosophy/politics.  And part of you wants to give them the benefit of the doubt, because up to that point, they seemed rather interesting, rather nice, rather…..rational.  Granted, people are people, and we're going to have different points of view and opinions, but some people are like trying to argue with a KKK member that blacks are equal to him.  Na gaa happen.  No way.  No how.

The weird thing is, they're probably thinking that you're reasoning is as fucked-up as you think theirs is.  They may tell you that they're free-thinking, liberal, worldly, open to new ideas, etc., etc., but in that one special way, they live in a very airtight bubble and there's no way you're going to burst it for them.

So, what you just have to do is stop.  Just stop, and put behind you all the time you fucking wasted getting to know this person.  Seems like a bit of a loss, actually, but you have to realize that they're basically on a mission with their particular line of thought, and you're now the enemy.

Oh, well.  C'est la vie……

Dealing With An Artful Dodger

This blog entry is addressed to a former internet contact who shall remain nameless.  They know who they are.  To be perfectly honest, this person un-friended me because, during a discussion (argument) I decided I had heard enough from them on the topic, and I said so. The person said,"I'm not finished," to which I replied,"You're finished."  Hey, at least I didn't tell them to STFU.  I simply indicated I had had enough.

The argument we were having centered around appearance, specifically a woman's appearance in public.  I offered some information that was business/employment related; to wit that many hiring managers said (paraphrasing) that given two candidates with equal resumes and skills, they would prefer to hire the candidate that was not overly-decorated with tattoos and/or facial piercings.

My (former) contact basically acknowledged the unavoidable fact that appearance/clothing can make the difference between getting hired or rejected, but consistently refused to admit (or essentially avoided) the fact that one of the many modes of appearance that affect people's opinion of you is that of being provocative.  In other words, this contact had to admit that while being too shabbily-dressed or overly-adorned with tattoos and piercings could result in a person not being hired, they would not concede that there was a point past which most anyone would consider a woman's mode of dress/appearance to be overtly sexual.

My (former) contact kept trying to re-direct the conversation/argument to the topic of rape, insisting that a woman's appearance has nothing to do with being sexually assaulted, and I repeatedly kept reminding this person that I NEVER SAID that a woman's appearance was tantamount to consent to sex.  What I said was that in terms of basic risk assessment, there were certainly situations that people had the option of avoiding.  

Referring to the images above, I certainly would not walk down certain streets after dark (and some during the daylight hours), advertising the fact that I was flush with cash, making myself an easy mark to thugs and gang members that might reside in that part of town.  Similarly, I wouldn't be so stupid as to walk down a predominantly black part of town - especially a poorer section - wearing a sandwich sign like the guy above.  He may be exercising his First Amendment rights, but the odds are, he's going to get his ass kicked.  Maybe worse.

So no, I NEVER suggested that any woman was asking for it based upon the way she was dressed, but I strongly assert that BASED UPON your mode of dress, you attract certain personality types.  It's no different than an experienced angler using a specific kind of bait to attract a specific kind of fish.

Look…let's cut the crap and be honest about why people go out in public the way they do.  For women (some women), the whole point of dressing sexy is to be the center of attention.  And not just because it fills a childhood void left by their father's neglect (although it can do that).  When it comes right down to it, women can be craven little toads just like men.  They want their needs met to the fullest extent, some of which - such as adoring adoration - require the participation of other people.  And getting that requires some kind of leverage.

But often, men are just collateral damage.  Women dress up (anything from tasteful and classic to full-on provocative) because they know men aren't the only ones who will notice.  When it comes to getting attention, women can be some competitive bitches.

Women display their assets prominently for the same reason men leave their car keys out on the bar - to flaunt them.  To be fair, men do the same kind of preening.  Like when a man tools up to valet parking in a Ferrari.  He's not doing it because he's going racing after dinner.  One of the reasons he's driving that car to make other guys look like pathetic Honda Accord-driving losers.  It's pure Darwinism - except with cars.

People do specific things to get attention and sometimes it ends up being not the kind of attention you had hoped for.

So, if my (former) contact is reading this, you just keep on avoiding admitting to the fact that some women dress in a trashy fashion intentionally….that past a certain point (between the Amish and strippers) one's appearance becomes undeniably provocative…and that depending on the situation, a woman may or may not be putting herself at risk regarding unwanted attention and harassment.  And keep right on shaming fathers for daring to exercise their parental rights by suggesting that their daughter's appearance is in some way inappropriate. As my son said,"I'd rather be known as a hard-ass father than the one whose daughter was found dead in a ditch."

You keep on hobnobbing with your little rabid feminist mutual-admiration society.  I don't need to deal with that kind of thing.

"Personal Expression" and Priorities

While present-day corporate dress code policies are all over the map, from "liberal" to "rigid," Forbes business magazine suggests that,"…most HR managers conceded that all things being equal, they will hire the more clean-cut employee."  In fact, piercings are the top physical attribute that may limit an employee's career potential - 37%, followed by bad breath - 34%, and visible tattoos - 31%. (from a 2011 CareerBuilder poll of 3,000 managers)

With the millennial generation making up about 40% of the unemployed, and with a tight job market, young students may want to reconsider their priorities regarding personal expression.  What's more important?  A large gauge septum ring or getting a job that pays more than making fries at McD's?

In a recent Harris poll, 27% of the respondents without tattoos said that folks with tattoos are "less intelligent," (ouch) and 50% said they're more rebellious.

There a lot of grumbling and gnashing of teeth on the internet these days about the importance and liberation of "personal expression," and just like with any other human endeavor/interest, there are those who understand that less is more and those for whom nothing but excess will suffice.  Like, if one is cool, man…10 is rad.

For the record, I was your average rebellious teenager when I graduated high school in 1967, the year Jimi Hendrix released his debut album,"Are You Experienced."  In the song,"If 6 was 9," he sang one of his iconic lyrics,"…let your freak flag fly."  Up to this point in time, the whole concept of teen popularity and acceptance centered around conformity.  To wit, if you were to be considered cool, you shopped at the same clothing stores as the "cool" kids.  But Hendrix was really the musical/cultural vanguard for freaky individuality.  Now, "cool" kids all attempted to be as different from one another as possible.

Make no mistake, conformity was still a powerful factor for expression, appearance and fashion, but a whole new market exploded for those wanting to appear unique.  That market has flourished and grown to this day, ushering in an increase in tattoo and piercing "parlors," and the whole hipster movement has become the epitome of understated egoism.  Just about everyone has seen jokes and cartoons depicting a bearded young man in a plaid wool shirt, tight jeans with the cuffs turned up and work boots, who laments that his favorite band has just gone mainstream.

But back to the 60's.  When I was performing onstage, I was doing my best to fly every freak flag I had, but when I went to present myself to a club owner or a talent agent, I put on clean dress pants, a freshly-ironed shirt and I didn't talk…like…you know…a teenager.  At that time, there were hundreds of bands out there looking for work; hundreds of lightweight, would-be rock stars that only knew three chords and how to turn the amplifier knob up to 11.  There was a market for those low-talent lightweights, to be sure, but consistently, I got more work and better-paying work because I put forth an image of an artist who was not just serious about his art, but smart enough to act like a professional businessperson.  Think of it as being a repairman or mechanic.  If you've only got a hammer and pliers in your toolbox, you're not going to be able to do much work…or get people to take you seriously as a pro.

Ask yourself this:  do you want your interviewer to remember how smart and capable you are - or do you want him/her to remember your tongue?

As Diane Gottsman - president and executive recruiter of Ally Resource Group - put it,"If it's a distraction, it's an issue.  It's just like wearing two different colored shoes."